Our written words and memories are often a time machine. Through them, we can go back in time and situate ourselves in that moment or context. I remember writing the poem below back in 2017, soon after the Manchester Arena bombing occurred at an Ariana Grande Concert. I remember going back to this poem countless times after when the life of a black man or woman was taken at the hands of the police. And now, I am once again going back to this poem as I hear, watch, and read about the Palestinian genocide or the ongoing conflict happening in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). While I still carry love in my heart because of the light I choose to walk in, I must admit that my spirit is tired.

“I’m at a loss.

I have no more tears to give because my cries have gone missing.

I’m at a loss.

Read me out loud.

Hear me shout at the world whose heartbeat is no more.

Violence is the norm.

Terror is inevitable.

Please bring back empathy.

The world says your life is not indispensable.

Neither is mine.

Read me out loud.

I love you.”

On top of the heaviness of the external world, in my internal world, exists heaviness too. During these holiday-filled months, especially in November, when families gather (including one’s chosen family) and recalibrate over a table full of food and dessert or laughter that is sweet and loud enough to fill up your belly, I am reminded of the lasting memories and traditions of my mother. By now, my mom would have asked my sisters and me what we would like to eat at Thanksgiving. By now, we would have gotten one more hike in before the weather gets even colder, as I live so close to many hiking spots now. But now, just as I return to my written words, I also return to old memories, for there lies the warm embrace and smile of my mama.

You may ask yourself, how are any of these words connected?

I’m not sure if it is. Or perhaps it’s the emotions and feelings behind the words that are connected—that of heaviness. And that is okay. We deserve to give ourselves the space to be right where we are.

As we each move through our days, check in with your spirit. Extend kindness and compassion to yourself and those around you, including strangers, because each of us may be navigating through some heaviness, both external and/or internal.

Until next time, I leave you with the thought below:

How are you truly feeling? Write it down or say it to yourself.

Resources:

• How to Be More Compassionate: A Mindful Guide to Compassion

• A Genocide is Under Way in Palestine

• Human Rights Watch: Democratic Republic of Congo

• How to Deal with the Holiday Blues